Obon お盆

August 13 - 15

Apologies for the long delay in posting. I've been hanging out with dead people. Actually, the long, humid summer days tend to suck energy and motivation. The 8th of August was "Risshu", the official start of Autumn, by the old lunar calendar. And just to mess with us, the weather did get a little cooler for a few days, but it's back to mid 30s every day again. Last week was Obon, the Buddhist festival when we remember our ancestors. At this time, the souls of the dead return to this world for a little summer holiday. I must admit, my first encounter with this festival was watching Pokemon years ago!

Traditionally, people lit fires or lanterns outside their homes to guide their ancestors back home, and made a horse and a cow from a cucumber and an eggplant (with little sticks for legs). The idea is the cucumber horse will bring your ancestors back home swiftly, and the slow eggplant cow will take it's time carrying them to heaven, so they can spend the max time here. Like a shinkansen down and a local train back. Where we live, it's more common to use straw animals and the supermarket sells heaps of them, so I guess a lot of people still follow this tradition.

We did decorate the family butsudan with flowers, houzuki "lantern" fruits and fresh summer vegetables, plus some traditional pressed sugar sweets in the form of a lotus flower and leaf. Water is also important - it seems the dead are always thirsty!

Summer vegetables for offering

Powdered sugar flowers

Our family butsudan; a bit messy! 

Far from being grim, Obon is a pretty jolly time. It's the middle of the summer holidays and a time for families to get together. There are lots of festivals, and kids wear cute yukata or jimbei pyjamas and all the old ladies in yukata dance around to the music of taiko drums. Big shrines like Yasukuni jinja have famous bon festivals, but every local town has them too. On summer nights, just follow the music and you'll find one. Since there are so many dead folk in town, it's also prime ghost season, and all the TV shows are gleefully telling spooky stories, usually about scary women with long hair. Some of the summer festivals also have ghost houses. The idea is that hearing a scary story will 'chill' you in the summer heat.

Girls in yukata

Games

Okonomiyaki

Yasukuni 

Yasukuni

Some nebuta lanterns at Yasukuni

Dancers from Akita at the Yaskuni festival

The ghost house

I didn't have much experience of death or funerals growing up, but in Japan it seems pretty matter-of-fact. As a family, we go to the memorial park and clean the ancestor's grave stone, arrange fresh flowers, burn incense, pray, then go off for a nice lunch together. As the eldest son, my husband is responsible for cleaning the family grave, and he does it very thoroughly! You need 2 buckets of water and a zoukin - cleaning cloth (a normal wash cloth). One bucket of water is for cleaning, the other is to ladle over the grave to purify it. Parts of the grave such as the stones which hold the metal vases and the front part for burning incense can be moved for cleaning. We generally don't leave any food offerings, as it would encourage crows! Some people leave a cup of water, a can of beer or a cup of sake for their ancestors.

A typical Japanese cemetary - this is the 'modern' part with smaller graves. The cherry blossom trees in the back are lovely in Spring.

Hard at work cleaning

At home, we usually put out a little rice for the ancestors to share while we have dinner. The butsudan faces the TV so we can all watch TV together! To be honest, when I first moved to my husband's house, I found the Tardis-like butsudan sitting in the corner of the living room, a bit spooky, but I hardly even notice it now.

A few weeks ago, I went to my first 13th memorial service - this is a service held 12 years after death. It's similar to a funeral, but a little more simple - and kind of casual. Since it's been 12 years since my husband's uncle died, after the service, all the relatives enjoyed the chance to chat and catch up over lunch. If you ever have to go to a funeral or memorial service in Japan, you should wear black. The rule is subdued clothing - but stick with black and you can't go wrong. Of course, funerals happen more often in summer, so you'll be sweating. Shouganai. For men, a black or very dark suit and plain white shirt, plus a black tie is correct. It sounds obvious, but your socks and shoes should also be black. For women, a black skirt or trouser suit, dress (do I have to say this is NOT a sexy little black dress?), or black separates. Pantyhose should also be black. Shoes should be matte fabric or normal leather - nothing shiny or sparkly. The only jewellery should be a simple strand of pearls; no diamonds or flashy items. A plain black bag is best. You don't need a hat or anything. Don't forget a plain (ie white or dark) handkerchief. Kids can wear school uniform or simple "formal" clothes. For example, I saw some kids about 5 years old, the boy in navy shorts and a white shirt, the girl in a plain navy dress. You can probably pull together a black outfit, but if you need anything, department stores and also discount stores like Shimamura have "formal" departments where you can get everything pretty cheaply.

Just as at a wedding, you need to bring money. This is condolence money for the direct family, and will help them pay for the funeral / memorial service, which isn't cheap. We gave Y30,000 as it was close family, but if you are going to the funeral of a vague acquaintance I think Y5,000 to 10,000 would be fine. Obviously, you will put this in a funeral envelope, NOT a wedding envelope! Every convenience stores sells them - look out for the envelopes with black and silver decoration. While at a wedding it's nice to use new bank notes, at a funeral, you should use older notes, as this isn't the start of a new life. A lot of people also put the money face down in the envelope. It's not so important if you don't. We also gave money for the sotoba - the wooden name boards that are put behind a grave at the memorial service. If you walk through a Japanese cemetery, you'll see these standing behind a lot of grave stones. The family chipped in about Y3,000 each couple for a bunch of these.

After the priest has done a lot of chanting and prayers, you'll be invited up to the alter to give your own prayers. It's pretty simple; just follow everyone else. The incense tends to be in the form of chips or granules. Take a pinch of them from the dish in front of you, hold it up towards your forehead, then add it to the pile of burning incense on the left. Do this 3 times in total, then offer a prayer to the departed. That's basically all you have to do. A lot of people wear prayer beads around their hands when they pray at a funeral. These beads are called jyuzu or onenju and you can buy them at any Buddhist temple. Some friends told me they act as protection - in case the dead try to pull you into the next world with them. For the same reason, you shouldn't hold a funeral on a "Tomobiki" day, as it means "pulling friends" - it's good to pull all your friends together for a party, but not a funeral.

Lunch after the ceremony was a pretty relaxed affair and the food was delicious!

For the 13th memorial service, my relatives put a huge platter of fruit next to the grave, which they took back to the reception centre after the service. There was a separate table set up for the dead uncle, with his name on a stone tablet. They put the fruit and later, lunch dishes, on the table "for him". After we'd all eaten, those dishes got passed around to eat and the fruit was divvied up. When everyone had their fill of food and beer, one of the aunties handed out thank you gifts to everyone, much like at a wedding. My relatives went a little over the top. There were 5 packs of somen, a box of instant coffee, a huge box of sembei, a 12 pack of energy drinks, a bunch of assorted snacks and cakes and a melon from the fruit platter. Carrying that lot home on a bus and 3 trains was a challenge!

We were so tired when we got home that we almost forgot to sprinkle salt on each other - you should put salt on everyone coming back from a funeral to purify them, and I guess, to stop any spirits that followed you, from coming in. You should throw the salt on the person before they enter the genkan or entrance hall of your home. We put a little dish of salt by the front door before we left. Especially after a funeral, you should make sure to come home by a different route to the one you took to go there, so the spirits can't follow you home. This is why it's popular to go for lunch or coffee somewhere on the way home - drop those spirits off at the family restaurant! If you see a funeral service passing by, it's traditional to quickly hide your thumbs. Your thumbs represent your parents, and the superstition goes that if you don't hide them away from the funeral procession, your parents will die before you see them for the last time. Grim.

Phew! I think I'm all out of "fun funeral facts". Of course, death is a serious and solemn matter, but I kind of like that in Japan it is seen as an inevitable part of life, not such a shocking and mysterious thing.